


Self-Defense

by yggsassil



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fucked Up, Implied Relationships, M/M, Murder brings people together, Murder in the 2nd degree, No idea what to tag this as, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Slash, Why won't my tags properly capitalize, i guess, manslaughter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 17:36:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4445537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yggsassil/pseuds/yggsassil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time he throws his shield and hears the bones of a complete stranger crack is not the first time Steve Rogers has killed a man. It is the second.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Self-Defense

**Author's Note:**

> SEVEN A.M. _**TIME 4 ANGST**_
> 
> Manually spell-checked, lightly edited. If I seem to use too many commas (and parentheses, and em dashes) instead of, say, semi-colons: yes, I know, it's a habit.

There is a man dead in an alleyway. His skull is cracked and bleeding out onto the cement, and his eyes are looking out into nothing. His arms are sprawled and legs at a 30 degree angle. If one were to examine him, they would find bruises of various strengths on his chest, his face, probably a kick to the groin.

Steve is the one who killed him.

It was an accident, really (Bucky later tells him this, his brain and his logic will tell him this, but his heart--his _emotions_ tell him otherwise. They tell him he killed a man). It was self-defense; the man attacked Steve, Bucky attacked back, Steve got in a punch--a nice punch, too, one he’d been briefly proud of, before the man was falling backwards, and his skull was hitting the ground with a loud and ominous _crack!_ and he was no longer breathing.

Steve _killed a man._

Self-defense, Bucky would tell him (again, and again, for months until Steve pretended not to hear him and Bucky eventually gave up). Even if he believed Bucky (he didn’t), nobody else would.

He can feel his heart rate pick up as he begins to panic. He needs to calm down, he needs to take a deep breath and stop shaking, he needs to move the _fucking body and get out of there--_

Bucky is closer now. He isn’t looking at Steve. Bucky hasn’t torn his eyes away from where the dead man lies, his body slowly succumbing to rigor mortis. Bucky moves forward, stepping around it (Steve shudders, Bucky almost touched it), and leans down and grabs the dead man’s arms (Steve is revolted). He looks up to Steve, looking him straight in the eyes, and Steve can’t read his expression. Bucky nods towards the man’s legs.

Bucky is strong--he’s _obviously_ strong, and maybe he could carry the dead man if he were slung over his shoulder but for some reason he wants Steve to help. Steve, whom he’s known for maybe three weeks now, is friends with, but not deep friends with. But he wants Steve to help carry the dead man. Steve isn’t sure what to make of that. Maybe the dead man's blood would soak into Bucky's shirt (it probably would). Still revolted, and trying to calm the fuck down, Steve leans over and picks up the dead man’s legs.

Jesus _Christ_ the man weighed a ton. At least Steve isn’t the one who’s right next to dead man’s blood, and probably has it on their hands by now. Steve glances down at Bucky’s, as they pick up the body--Bucky is picking up most of the weight, but it’s still a burden for Steve--and yes, there is definitely blood on his hands. The dead man’s blood had leaked into his clothes.

They walk, and Steve is grateful that it’s night, that he got ambushed at night (which he’s been grateful for before, but not for reasons like this, _never_ for reasons like this). Sometimes Steve’s grip on the man’s ankles slip, and Bucky pauses to let Steve reorient himself. He has no idea where they are going, and only the vaguest memory of the alleyway where they were--which, holy shit they have to clean it up it’s a fucking crime scene--and no idea if Bucky is going to tell or rat him or what. He likes to think he understands Bucky by now, but three weeks is not a lot of time.

They reach the harbor. Steve's shoulders are sagging under the weight. He wants to tell that bodies don't sink, they float, but his tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth and Bucky is already tying cement blocks to the dead man’s ankles.

Which means that Bucky is helping Steve. Bucky is helping Steve dispose of a body. He’s helping _dispose of a body_ , a man that _Steve killed_ and Steve isn’t even helping and--

Steve tries to move nearer, to help tie the blocks, but Bucky stops him. He’s looking at Steve, and Steve can read his expression. It’s somewhere like sympathy and pity, and a lot of understanding. And a fierceness that he recognizes after three weeks of friendship. Bucky isn't taking no for an answer

After Bucky has thrown the body into the harbor and they have watched it sink into the water, Bucky brings an arm around Steve’s shoulder.

Two hours later around a five a.m. burger (that Bucky paid for), Bucky tells him,

“You know it was self-defense, right?”

Steve doesn’t believe him.

He never does.

**Author's Note:**

> So anyways I had this idea at some ungodly hour after no sleep of "what if the first time Steve killed a dude in WW2 wasn't the first time he killed a dude" and talked about it with friends on twitter and it sort of spiralled.
> 
> Nothing like murder to bring people together.


End file.
